How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize