remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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