Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Pants are for mortals
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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