do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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