Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
