my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
