I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize