all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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