the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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