She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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