Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
