Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Bring me that man meat
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
