On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
