Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
