here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
