That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
