i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
