so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
