Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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