A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
