I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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