im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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