just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
