bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
