I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
