Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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