I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
