yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
