I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
they need to just BURY HIM!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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