im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
