Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
