he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
