Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize