he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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