Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
