My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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