Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
