I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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