i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
