When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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