you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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