next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
