take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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