i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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