I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I want to have your abortion
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
