Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
