3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
