cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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