That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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