I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
