My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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