Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish I only lived at night.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize