great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I lost the right to judge tonight
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
