I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
