that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize