Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
