i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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