3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
