I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
