He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
