I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
