C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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