dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
