You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
