some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
