We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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