I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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