dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
two words: eviction party
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We need to get me chipped asap
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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