Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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