I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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