Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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