I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
