where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
