You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
