I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
