smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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