I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just had sex on a roof
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
