I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
