I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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