I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
