you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
