My room smells like vodka and shame
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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