If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
